Sunday, May 20, 2012

{20} A Difficult Time

The hardest thing I've ever had to deal with was losing two pregnancies.  I never ever imagined that I would have a miscarriage.  When I fell pregnant with Ollie it was something I just never thought about.  I guess I was slightly naive.  I got pregnant fast with Ollie and the pregnancy went by with no problems.

When Ollie had turned 1, we started talking about adding to our family and we started trying again in the August.

Again we fell pregnant very fast.  We were ecstatic.  Our second baby was due to arrive a couple of days after Ollie turned 2.  A perfect age gap.  Unfortunately, 7 weeks into the pregnancy I started bleeding.  We were scanned and were told that the baby was only measuring 6 weeks but they couldn't confirm yet whether or not the pregnancy was ending.  We had to come back in a week to be re-scanned.  The whole week was awful.  I went through feeling hopeful and positive, to negative and as if my world was crumbling.  I had another scan which confirmed that there had been no growth and no heartbeat.... and I lost the baby that night.

We were broken hearted.  I swore I never wanted to try again.  I couldn't understand why it was happening to us... you don't imagine bad things happening to you and when they do it's a shock.

James and I started trying again.  After falling pregnant twice, rather fast... it came as a shock when it took more than a year to fall pregnant for the third time.  I couldn't get my head around why it was taking so long and worried that maybe there was something wrong and maybe we would never have another child.

We found out we were pregnant after Christmas, after trying for about 15 months.  I couldn't believe our luck.  It was such a relief knowing that we could in fact get pregnant.  Our joy was short lived though as one week into the pregnancy my symptoms disappeared and I took a pregnancy test which came up negative.  Just a week before I had had symptoms and a positive test... what had happened?  I lost the baby a week later.

I went for tests at my Dr. to first of find out if everything was working ok and she referred us to the fertility clinic at the hospital.  The appointment was made to rule out any problems there might be, why it had taken more than a year to fall pregnant and to question why I had miscarried twice.

The appointment date came through for April, blood was taken, questions were asked... and a followup appointment was made for August.  We didn't need the followup appointment...

At the end of April something must have clicked because I found out a week into May that we were pregnant for the 4th time.

This time, nothing went wrong... I was on tenter hooks the whole pregnancy but that's exactly what I got... a WHOLE pregnancy and a baby born on 18th January 2012.  My little Nate.


  1. I can understand how you must have felt it's a tough experience to go through especially more than once.
    It took us over 14 months to get pregnant but I now think that was down to stress and obsessing about having a baby once I came to terms that I wasn't going to have a child it happened.

    Life eh! not easy

  2. Sending virtual hugs your way. I can't imagine how that would feel. ♥

  3. Oh honey, this made me cry :( I feel for you so much- I lost my first pregnancy at 14 weeks after having the scan at 12 weeks and being told all was well. My other half and I had no intention of trying again for a very very long time when we fell pregnant with Isaac. 14 months on and he's now a happy little 7 month old and I feel so lucky! Sending lots of hugs xx

  4. I'm so sad that you had to deal with that. I can't imagine that pain. But, I'm so happy that you did finally get your healthy baby. :)


  5. This was a poignant story, but I am pleased to hear of your eventual happy outcome.

  6. Hugs for your loss, brave to share.

  7. It's an awful thing to go through, let alone twice but I am so glad you have your lovely little man xxx

  8. Hey I'm a friend of Sera and found your blog this morning - would you mind if I share your story on my blog? I wrote a post for National Infertility week and I'm collecting stories from my friends etc to post on my blog to share peoples stories...have a wee think :)

  9. Sorry to hear what you have been through Emma. I lost a baby at 9 weeks before having Aled. All through Aled & also Noah's pregnancies I was terrified that something would happen. I couldn't imagine going through that pain again. xx

  10. wow thank you for sharing your story. miscarriages and still births just break my heart. all my love to you.

  11. I am so sorry for your losses! I too know what it is like to lose a baby. I had a miscarriage before Baby A., it's heartbreaking.