Motherhood is so scary! This is the first thing I didn't know. I assumed there would be times when I would worry and wonder but I had no idea that it would be ALL the time. I don't worry and wonder unhealthily though... there is just a slight, underlying feeling of always worrying that Ollie is ok and wondering if he is really happy. I wonder constantly if he is pleased with the parents he got or if he finds us insanely annoying and wishes he were born to someone a little... cooler!
I didn't know that I would ever feel as much love for someone or that it was even POSSIBLE. He is the first thing I think of when I open my eyes and he is my very last thought when I fall asleep. I fall asleep wondering about what will happen in the life of our family of three and how we will all grow together and what kind of a man Ollie will be someday.
I didn't know that he would cry so much! Having never had much experience with babies I thought they slept so much more and cried much less. I feel so sad when he cries, especially when you know he is crying because he is having tummy pains or something similar.
Another thing that really surprised me... in becoming a mum I didn't realise that I'd fall even more in love with my husband! He has really taken to fatherhood and is a natural. He is so confident that I could swear he had a secret baby somewhere that he has been practicing with for years!!! I knew our relationship would change and I had heard horror stories... I wasn't expecting it to change so so much for the better! We appreciate each other more and make more of an effort to help one another.
Some of my favourite times of the day are when I'm feeding Ollie. He is 5 weeks now and is learning to grasp onto things and occasionally he will grasp onto the bottle himself... and occasionally he will grab hold of my hand while I feed him. The eye contact he gives while feeding melts my heart... he doesn't look away and he hardly blinks.
I had no idea how important I would feel. Before I had Ollie I didn't feel that important... I was just another person... sure enough I was a great wife to James (hehe) and this made me feel important but not in the way having a child makes you feel. He is totally reliant on me and I am responsible for his happiness and wellbeing!
I didn't know I could take so many photos of a baby and still want more more more... the proof is in my blog huh? Hehe.
Sometimes being a mum is tiring, frustrating and worrying but the good times totally outweigh these little things. The content look on his face when he has a clean nappy on... or the sleepy grin he gives when I get him from his cot in the morning... sleeping all cuddled up in my bed after hubby has left for work... I was made to be a mummy for Ollie :) He is my reason for being.