Thursday, July 22, 2010

We have come to a decision...

...regarding trying for a baby.

Were not trying anymore... at least for the time being.  Maybe we will start trying again after Christmas.  I was getting to obsessed with it all and it isn't healthy to be so fixated on something.  I also think my stress over it might have been hindering the process.

So, I went and got the pill.  That might sound strange, but I feel like I can't NOT actively try... I can't just say that we will relax about it... because I can't.  It's all or nothing (trying or not trying) for me.  I'll be taking the pill for about 4 or 5 months... who knows? Just until I feel better and calm about everything.  I want to get the trying out of my head.  I need to take a major step back.

This would have been my 10th cycle now since the miscarriage and that's crazy!  It is driving me mad not knowing why I have not fallen pregnant yet, but I know that me worrying is making it worse.  I need to focus on something else.

I feel like I need to give Ollie all of my attention, instead of wishing for something that is out of my control... I need to get my feet back on the ground and realise just how lucky I actually am!  I'm healthy and young and I'll get pregnant and have a healthy baby SOMEDAY, but right now I have Ollie who is so much fun and he needs a happy mummy.

James and I lost a baby that would have been the perfect 2 year age gap, but since we can no longer have the perfect 2 year age gap, why not have the perfect 3 year age gap instead.  The more and more I think about it I would love to be pregnant when Ollie starts nursery (next September).  That way if a new bubba is stressing him out at home and he is unsettled, he has a place to go during the day to escape (nursery where all his friends are).  It also means I won't have a hard time managing both a tantruming toddler and a newborn.  The more and more I play it over in my head, the more ideal it sounds.  Our net baby would have one on one attention during the day the same as Ollie was able to have.

Taking the pill for the first time gave me a massive surge of relief.  I feel like I don't have a care in the world at the minute (at least not stressful cares!).  I feel like me again and my mind is clear to think of other things!


  1. Well I'm happy w/ whatever choice you make. I will say it's a great idea about spreading them so you don't have crazy tantrums and a newborn. One thing, I cant say I regret it but it made me a little sad that neither of my kids got to have that 1 on 1 time really.

  2. I'm sorry to hear of your previous loss, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. It is hard to no stress when ttc, especially when it takes longer thank you think it should. We had hoped for that *perfect* 2 year gap with our kids, but they are 3.5 years apart. When I had finally given up and made peace with only having one child - I became pregnant! I hope it all works out in the end for you! ((HUGS))

    ~Busy Buzzer
    Buzzing the Day Away

  3. My grandma always said that God has his own schedule for things and when you "stop thinking about it / dwelling on it, it will happen.

  4. Good luck with all your endeavours! My parents didn't start having kids until 32, and this was before the awesome advances in medicine. You still have time :) Plus, my "favorite" sibling (can't really pick one, but the one I get along with the best...) is 4 years younger. The other two are 2 and 3 years younger than me. 4 years is pretty nice because you're not usually in the same school (so you get to make your own friends) :) Plus, now we get to hear about more fantastic Ollie adventures! :)