Ollie I don't really remember a lot of the birth and I don't remember the moment he came out. I remember the tug (he was a forceps delivery) and gush and vaguely remember him being placed on my chest for a moment before being taken to the baby table to be looked over. He was then placed into an incubator. James took some photos... I sat there in awe and shock. It was a traumatic birth and I think this really affected our first moments. I remember he looked huge, and had blue feet. I felt so sorry for him lying there in his incubator.
Nate was a water birth... I was the only person to touch him during his delivery and the only person to have touched him in his first 20 minutes of life. I remember he looked tiny and had a really squishy little face. I remember almost every part of his birth whereas with Ollie, it's a puzzle and lots of the pieces are missing.
My first hours with Ollie again, are a blur. I remember them bringing me toast etc once we got up to the ward but I wasn't feeling great so James ate it!! The midwife took him away to the nursery after James had gone home, I think I was still showing signs of shock and they figured I needed to rest. I zonked out. I woke at 5am... with such a massive EMPTY feeling.... I suddenly missed him SO much so went to the nursery to get him... it wasn't until the moment I saw him again, that my MASSIVE love for him came flooding from nowhere.
Because Nate's birth was a lot easier (obviously horrendously painful...but quicker, more straightforward etc) my mind was a lot clearer when he was born. Because I had not needed pain relief apart from the gas and air and there was nothing traumatic about his delivery, I remember it all so clearly. I remember being stitched up, exclaiming how I couldn't believe that it had been SO quick! It was 3 hours 25 minutes from the moment my waters broke until he was born. It felt surreal and I felt like SUPERWOMAN.
The first days as a first time mother went by fast. James and I looked at Ollie in wonder... snuggled... caught sleep when we could.... ordered takeout.... had adventures such as the first time out for a walk together, the first time out for a drive together... we had visitors.
The first few days as a mum of two went even faster. I spent the days (and still do) feeling like the most crazy lucky lady that ever lived. Two perfect, healthy, handsome, happy, little boys. It was nice the second time knowing how to do everything. There wasn't the same nervousness and unknown as the first time. I knew how to dress a newborn, hold, feed and burp him.
I can't believe I have a 4 year old and a 4 month old. I don't think the surreal feeling of having carried two children and given birth to them both will ever go away. I look at them both and can't believe they are mine and that they're mine forever!
(Re-posting this as I guestblogged for Hollybobb!)