Thursday, June 10, 2010

Today is hard...


...because today is the day that my little lost bean should have been due.

It has been 7 months since we lost our baby and it still stings sometimes.  Most days I am fine, but sometimes remembering, or fixing on what date it is, catches me off guard.  I have friends who were due around the same time as I was, and it is so hard seeing them experience everything that I should be experiencing too.

I miss the little baby, I should in the next few days, have been holding in my arms and introducing to Ollie as his new sibling.

I constantly ask myself why it happened to me, but I will never know.

I suppose I will always wonder about what should have been, but I know today will be my biggest milestone and once today is over... I can maybe start to feel a little bit better.

27 comments:

  1. Your post just breaks my heart-- I suffered a miscarriage more than two and a half years ago. My niece was actually born on what should have been our due date... it actually gave the day a positive tenor. I hope you find a silver lining today as well. My thoughts & prayers are with you and your baby/guardian angel!

    ~Elizabeth

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am so sorry. I will be holding you in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thinking about you in my prayers

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sorry you are sad right now. I have not experienced a miscarriage and can not empathize. I just can pray for you.
    Go hug and Thank God for that precious Ollie of yours.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm so sorry. I have dealth with loss and infertility and they are draining/exhausting/heart breaking. I hope you do start to feel better after this milestone.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am so sorry. I do hope time heals.

    Take care of yourself today.

    LisaDay

    ReplyDelete
  7. We lost our baby boy at 19 weeks - he was due this past Feb 23rd, so I know EXACTLY what you are feeling today. Trust me though, with time you WILL feel better! It's completely ok to feel sad, but also make sure to take the time to CELEBRATE your baby - just because he/she isn't here doesn't mean you won't see him/her again someday in heaven! =)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm so sorry you are suffering. Maybe to spend a little extra time with Ollie today, looking into his eyes will somehow bring additional comfort today. I know a similar pain. The pain of infertility and never being pregnant and never having children. I'm reminded each and every month even at the age of 43. God is good though. His grace is sufficient. Being in the center of his will I can know I'm where I need to be. ~ Breathing a prayer for you today.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm so sorry to hear this. Time does heal... I lost a baby too and it's obviously something that you never forget, but God gives the grace to keep going.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Your words struck a cord with me. In 1994 I miscarried and it was devastating! I don't think it's something you truly ever get over. Sending a big hug your way. And know that you are not alone. I recently wrote a post about this too. If you have a minute it might make you feel better to read someone else's experience, maybe not. http://weloveiowa.blogspot.com/2010/04/big-picture.html

    Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Losing a child will leave you with many moments and bitter sweet days. My daughters birthday is always the worst, then christmas , mother day this list could be endless. I try to remind myself that she is still with me and that we will be together again, its the only way i can cope.

    Just be kind to yourself today and the others days like this. Time is a great healer and some days I can smile but others I need to cry.

    Hold each other close.

    Sara x

    ReplyDelete
  12. so sorry to hear about your loss. we may not know that God's will is, but i'm sure He has something better in store for you :)

    sending you light and love halfway round the world :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I believe that next life, we will be with the children we lost. Born and unborn. Love keep us together. I am sorry for your loss. It is ok to be sad. You are such a wonderful mother. You will be blessed. Frenchy

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thinking of you. Sorry about your loss...and hopeful that a little sorrow is lifted after today.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had two miscarriages... one the baby was 11weeks and no heartbeat, the baby's body was no longer intact/complete which was devestating to see on the ultrasound, and my body wasn't letting the little one go. The second was this past year(2009) - missed misscarriage I didn't even know I was pregnant just knew something was wrong. I had a friend that was due around the same time that this baby would have been and yep it was bittersweet. Thankfully I'm pregnant again and due in less than 5 weeks. I know that God does heal in His time. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less but there is hope. Am thinking of you and wishing the best for you.

    ReplyDelete
  17. sorry about your loss. stay strong! including you in our prayers...

    hahpiness.blogspot.com

    just followed you.

    ReplyDelete
  18. My family has been through this...I will keep you in my prayers.
    Sharon

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh honey, I am so sorry. I will definitely be thinking of you & praying for you today! *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ah, I'm sorry, Sweetie! I was/am always fearful of a miscarriage because my mother and sister both had several.

    I've just told myself that if it ever happens that it is my body's (and God's) way of telling me something wasn't right, and there will be a perfect right coming along. :)

    Prayerful for you!
    Erin

    ReplyDelete
  21. Im sorry to hear about the loss of your precious baby. Time will heal. your chosen one has become an angel looking over us all (well, thats what i believe happens with the young babies...)

    You're in my prayers and thoughts.
    http://misavings.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  22. I can only imagine how tough this day must be. :( Thank you for sharing with us.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I found and am following you thru the Friday follow and when I saw this post I knew it was the one I had to comment on. I am so sorry for your loss. I understand how painful it is. I lost my only baby girl at 35 weeks pregnant, I had a still birth. We found there was no heartbeat December 15th 08 and Chloe was born December 16th. It is so devastating to lose a baby at any stage. My heart goes out to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I suffered a miscarriage in April this year - my third! It was devastating and even though I have two children I never forget about my angels that I haven't met yet!

    I have two friends (mums at school) who I see everyday who are due the same month I was supposed to be due so that is hard.

    My thoughts are with you, be sad but be positive that another little soul in waiting for you soon!

    http://mylifebadlywritten.blogspot.com/2010/05/my-therapy-my-outlet-me.html

    Amanda
    x

    ReplyDelete
  25. (((Hugs))) and prayers for you!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you. (((Hugs)))

    ReplyDelete