Saturday, October 31, 2009

This is going to be a long one

There is a complication with the pregnancy. I had a small bleed on Thursday so rang to make an appointment at the Early Pregnancy Unit at the hospital. After making the appointment I went to the bathroom again and noticed that the bleeding was worse.

When we got to the hospital on Thursday we had to sit waiting for a whole hour. I had a full bladder, which they recommend for early scans. It was awful waiting. I remember the girl who went in ahead of me coming out in tears and I got really scared.

Once we were in they tried to do a tummy scan but could not see anything, and joy of joys they had to do an internal scan instead. I had to have an internal with Ollie and they are NOT nice. The 2 doctors didn't say much while looking and I had a feeling that something was wrong.

So... the baby is measuring 6 weeks instead of 8 (it is only 2mm when it should be about 6 or 7mm and that was the moment that I knew everything was not quite right) and they were unable to find a heartbeat. This could be because it is so early. I couldn't believe what he was telling me and I burst out crying, booked another scan for Monday 9th November and headed home with James. The scan on the 9th will tell us if there has been any growth in which case we may see a heartbeat, or it will confirm that the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks.

Were devastated. Were in limbo, not knowing whether to feel hopeful or whether to feel upset. I think the fact that we were made to wait 11 days is just awful. I went to my Dr. on Friday morning inquiring about blood tests but he told me they could not do those because even if my hormone levels were rising still it would not be a definiate answer. I would just end up with another maybe. My Dr. rang The Royal Hospital and asked them why they had not booked me in for a scan in the interim. Why had they made me wait so long and what harm would it do. Either I would get a definiate answer sooner or we would be no further to a conclusion in which case I wont be any more upset than I already am. So I have another scan booked for Thrusday.

I'm petrified for Thursday. To be honest, I think I have been preparing myself for the worst. I don't hold out much hope, but little glimmers keep shining through.

I will be 9 weeks by my dates on Thursday and 7 weeks by the scan (if baby is alive and well). Sometimes they don't see a heartbeat until closer to 7 weeks...

I just don't know what to think until then, or how to feel. I desperately don't want to go through this.

I am sorry if this post sounds jumbled...

18 comments:

  1. Oh Emma, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this!! I know it has to be much easier said than done, but try to keep your spirits up! Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

    {hugs}
    Linds

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  2. Oh no. This is so scary. I am sorry you are going thru this traumatic time! I will keep you in my prayers this week! How worrisome!

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  3. Father I pray that you comfort Emma at this time. I pray that she would lift her heart continually to you in prayer and allow your peace to pervade her entire being. I pray that she would be thankful despite the circumstances and allow the gratitude to help her through. Have your way in this situation I pray Lord in Jesus name. AMEN

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  4. I am so sorry that you are having to go through such a difficult time right now. Being in limbo (and not in control) is the worst feeling. Spend this week resting, hugging Ollie and trying to think positive thoughts. You are in my prayers!

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  5. Oh Emma! I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I know your mind must be going in circles! I'm praying for you. ((Hugs!))

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  6. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. You will be in my prayers!

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  7. Emma, I am so sorry that you are going through this! I'll keep you in my prayers.

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  8. They couldn't find my daughter's heartbeat until she was 8 weeks. I'm keeping you and your husband in my prayers. I can't imagine the fear you must be dealing with now. Are they testing your betas?

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  9. I am so sorry. I will keep you in my prayers

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  10. I'm sorry to hear your news. I will keep you and the baby in my prayers and hope that Thursday is a success. I know how excited you were when you conceived and I only wish the best!

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  11. I am praying for you and your family. I hope you get answers soon.

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  12. Stay strong, everything will turn out fine. I'll be praying for you.

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  13. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is insane that you have to wait! I've never heard of such a thing!
    You are in my prayers!
    Positive thoughts!
    Sending love

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  14. I'm so sorry to hear this!
    Sending Prayers & Hugs your way! xxx

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  15. You are in my prayers! I can't imagine being in limbo - it was always one way or the other for us. Keep thinking positive - and we'll be thinking of you!

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  16. Oh, dear sweet Emma, I am so, SO incredibly sorry for what you are going through. It makes my eyes sting with tears, because I have been there. And very recently. I know how horrible the waiting is. I pray that tomorrow, whatever the outcome, you will find peace. Peace comes from knowing Jesus, because we will never, ever know the how or the why. Praying that everything turns out just perfect, but know that I am here if you need someone to talk to. Or cry to. Or pray for you. Or whatever I can do.

    ♥ and hugs,

    Amber

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  17. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Hopefully the baby is fine. Lots and lots of luck.
    XO

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